I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
