I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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