Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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