toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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