It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
