So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
