Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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