I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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