I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
