Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
