i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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