drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
a search helicopter?!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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