I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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