Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
