Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
