Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
