I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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