So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
