I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize