I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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