Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize