I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
