I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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