Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
