Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Even my vagina gasped.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
