I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
