So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
