i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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