I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
