She's JV to your varsity
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
