Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize