Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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