Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
