Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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