shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
