Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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