i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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