dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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