paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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