I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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