I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
