if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
