I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
