It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
