yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
