oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
