I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
