I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
