eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
