Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
