i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
