Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
