Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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