apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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