talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
