Don't you send me to vm
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
