You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
