Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
