I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
