It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
