I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
