what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize