y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god it's open bar.
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