It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize