Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
