i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
