Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize