are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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