all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
