It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
