You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
